The Gift of Kindness
When I was 19 years old, I got in a minor car accident. It was dark and it was wintertime, and the condition of the roads reflected that. I had just pulled away from a stoplight, and turned my eyes to the radio dial, fiddling with it. That was my error, that looking away for just a moment. I rear-ended the car ahead of me, which sustained obvious visible damage. Fortunately, neither I nor the woman driving the Honda in front of me were hurt. After the initial shock of the accident, I remember the fear that seized me up, and I began sobbing and sobbing, telling the woman whose car I’d just hit how sorry I was. You see, I was going to have to call and tell my dad what had happened, and I feared he would not be so understanding: this would raise insurance rates and probably necessitate some major inconveniences. The woman saw my distress and was so kind to me that she asked, “Are you okay? Can I buy you some cocoa or coffee?” (This happened right in front of a gas station.) You can imagine my tremendous relief when she didn’t lay into me and could see that I felt badly enough about this huge mistake I had just made. To this day, thirty-three years later, that memory remains, a remembrance of a great gift of kindness given to me. I don’t remember so much the mistake I made, as I do the undeserved, but much appreciated, act of kindness rendered me.
“It is the history of our kindnesses that alone makes this world tolerable…” “If it were not for that, for the effect of kind words, kind looks, kind letters…I should be inclined to think our life a practical jest in the worst possible spirit.” - Robert Louis Stevenson
It was just last year that I first read those words written by Robert Louis Stevenson, but they resonated with me instantly. I have been so blessed to be the recipient of great kindnesses, in addition to the one I wrote about above. A woman once paid for me to replace my son’s birth certificate, which I had misplaced. I was at a county license bureau, and didn’t have the appropriate form of payment, so she offered to pay the $25.00 fee. At first, I tried to decline it, but she insisted. I asked her if I could have her address so I could send her a check. She turned down my offer, so I thanked her profusely, saying I’d ‘pay it forward’, and also deciding to privately pray that some blessing would come into her life, just as she had so kindly blessed mine.
There’s a book I read years ago, The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls Who Dare to Transform the World, One Deed at a Time by Father Lawrence G. Lovasik. While I think the title speaks for itself, I admittedly don’t recall specifics from the book, other than it helped to more firmly solidify the idea of doing a kindness for someone else when I was in a position to do so. From that perspective, I recommend this book. It’s clear that our world is in need of more kindness. It can be a cold, hard, difficult to navigate place, but when people are aware of the needs of others and can extend them a kindness, no matter how small, it’s miraculous the change it can wrought in a soul.
When I hear the word “kind”, the word “nice” also comes to mind. I much prefer kind, as I think it implies a stronger intentionality, than nice, which sounds squishier, somehow weaker, more of an afterthought. One thinks of the line, “Nice guys finish last.” It seems we can sometimes be so nice that it’s to our detriment. I don’t mean there may not be some sacrifice on our part at times, if one is to be kind in imitation of Christ, but it would be counterproductive to demean ourselves. Also, I think we ought to at least intend our kindness as being rooted in our identity as Christians, for that gives an added dimension to the meaning behind it. We are able to walk with someone in their sorrow, as Christ did, and find some way to ease it ever so much, to be a kind of Simon to them, helping to carry their crosses.
One incident I witnessed a few years ago at a gas station comes to mind. There was a young pregnant woman, obviously distressed, if not in labor. Having been through multiple labors myself and knowing the uncertainties that can entail, I saw her and asked the employees there for a chair, bought the woman a bottle of water and spoke to her. Her husband/boyfriend/fiancé was on the phone, perhaps with the doctor or hospital, so I encouraged the woman to sit down and take some deep breaths, handing her the water. I listened to her story, only to hear that her brother had recently committed suicide! How tragic for her. I said a few more words of encouragement and was on my way, with promises of prayer for them and their situation. I was so glad I stopped, as they seemed so appreciative of the little I did for them. I don’t mean to ‘toot my own horn’ here, just to illustrate how simple it can be to help some soul in need.
As this is the season of Advent, perhaps we can all look around us and if we observe someone in need of our kindness, we can extend that. It doesn’t take much - a smile, a compliment, holding the door, a silent prayer if that’s what seems warranted for the situation. Emptying ourselves of small kindnesses, we can prepare our hearts to receive the One who is the Author of all kindnesses.